It’s Time to Change Your Mind

Why losing your grip is not a bad thing

There’s a phrase that gets tossed around about women as they age, usually with a shrug and a knowing look: she’s just stuck in her ways. It suggests a kind of mental hardening, as if a woman is incapable of being open to new ideas once a few crows feet show up. 

Except, that’s not how it works.

Research has been busy debunking this idea for years, and lived experience backs it up. Getting older doesn’t automatically make us more rigid. In many cases, it does the opposite, leaving us uniquely able to think more deeply and become increasingly comfortable with nuance. 

For many women, the 60s are the decade when we begin to loosen our grip on long-held “musts” and “nevers,” not because we’re confused, but because we’re clearer, and clarity has

a way of creating space.

Why Changing Your Mind Gets Easier as We Age

Earlier in life, changing your mind can feel risky. Careers are built on conviction. Families depend on consistency. Opinions about politics, religion, relationships, even aesthetics, become part of our identity. Holding tight to beliefs feels like proof of who we are and that we’re on the “right” path. 

Then something shifts as we stumble our way into later life.

By the time we reach our 60s, we realize that we, and most of our peers, are no longer keeping score. The pressure to perform with certainty fades. And with that comes the freedom to say, I’ve changed my mind. 

Neuroscience helps explain why. Thanks to decades of research on neuroplasticity, we now know that the brain continues to adapt and form new connections well into later life. While processing speed may slow slightly, integrative thinking improves. We become better at holding multiple truths at once. We’re less invested in black-and-white positions and become more comfortable with “both/and” rather than “either/or.”

Which may be why so many women in this chapter revisit beliefs they once considered settled. Political views soften or widen. Religious ideas evolve and expand. Family roles feel less fixed. Even smaller, more personal choices begin to shift–like dressing with personality rather than conformity, shifting how we decorate our newly downsized homes, re-imagining what we expect from love and companionship.

When Changing Your Mind Makes Other People Nervous

Of course, this evolution almost never happens in a vacuum. It shows up in real life, with real people who think they “know” you, and that’s when things can get complicated.

Take dating. When a woman who’s been widowed for years mentions she’s thinking about online dating, reactions can be swift and intense. Friends and family start talking about being concerned and wanting to protect her. Then there are the raised eyebrows as she heads out the door to a new happy hour place showing just a smidge of cleavage. Yikes! It’s like she’s suddenly morphed into someone unrecognizable and kind of scary. 

What’s really happening has less to do with safety or propriety and more to do with disruption. Families and friends get comfortable with us in certain roles. When we change, even joyfully, it can feel like the ground shifts under everyone else’s feet.

That same dynamic plays out in subtler ways.

For a close friend, summer has always meant camping with the kids–and now grandkids. It’s a time for s’mores, sleeping bags, and familiar rituals that everyone counts on. And then last year, she cheerfully mentioned that she’d be skipping the family excursion for a trip to Paris with her book club. 

The response wasn’t outrage. It was more like a pause, followed by a blink, and finally a pout. Rather than being happy that she’d have the chance to enjoy lounging at a cafe overlooking the Eiffel Tower, her family droned on about “tradition” and “You only have so much time with the grandkids before they’re too old for this.”  

What they were really wondering is, Since when is doing something new an option?

Letting Go Without Apologizing

Later life has a way of revealing the invisible contracts we didn’t know we signed. These silent agreements outline expectations about how we show up, what we prioritize, and how much of ourselves we’re allowed to claim. When we change our minds, we’re not just choosing differently, we’re rewriting the script.

That can make people, especially those closest to us, uncomfortable. But discomfort isn’t the same as harm. And someone else’s adjustment period doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

What helps, both for you and for the people who love you, is steadiness. Extensive explanations are usually a waste of time, and being defensive often inflames the situation. Instead, try staying in a place of calm confidence that says, This is where I am now. Over time, most people catch up. They see that you’re not unraveling or rebelling simply to be difficult. 

The Freedom to Evolve in Your Brilliant Age

Which brings us back to that tired idea of being “stuck in your ways.”

If anything, this chapter of life proves how wrong it is. Women often become more flexible with age, more curious and less interested in towing the line of tradition. After all, it’s far more interesting to be real.  

That’s not losing your grip. That’s gaining perspective and choosing to live brilliantly.

Patty is the founder of The Brilliant Age, a lifestyle platform for women navigating midlife and beyond with curiosity, style, and intention. Through thoughtful essays on reinvention, personal style, relationships, and purposeful living later in life, she encourages women to question outdated rules and design lives that feel vibrant and true. Patty also writes Spark 60, a weekly one-minute dose of inspiration delivered every Wednesday. Explore more at The-Brilliant-Age.com, follow on Instagram and Facebook, link and start living your most brilliant chapter yet.